Tis the Season...

..to be jolly.

I have always loved the holiday season. Christmas time has always been my favorite. I love getting out all the decorations, and feeling the changes in everyone's attitudes as the season gets into full swing. Life always seems so much happier around this time of year. I love it!!

Last year, though, was very different from any other Christmas I've ever experienced. I felt terrible. It was the first time ever that I wasn't going to be spending Christmas anywhere near my parents. I was scheduled to work Christmas Eve, and didn't have any way to make it back to Washington in time to be with them. So last year I was a complete GRINCH!! I quite literally did not feel any Christmas cheer leading into the holiday. Then, surprisingly, as life has a way of being, Christmas Eve came and as I was with relatives reading the Christmas story and watching a recording of The Forgotten Carols I remembered what the real meaning is behind Christmas.

The real meaning of Christmas is not to see who can spend the most money, or give the best gifts. Christmas is about remembering our older Brother, Jesus Christ. Christmas is about recognizing the life he lead, which allows me to lead the life I choose. It is because of Christ that I know how important family is, and because He lives, I live. As soon as I realized this, Christmas day became a bit brighter. I felt a small burden lifted, and I began to enjoy myself much more than I had ever expected to.

This Christmas season I've been blessed with the opportunity to take some time off work around the holidays and I'll be going home to spend it with my family. I cannot begin to tell you how excited I am that I will be with my family, in the place I grew up calling home. I will cherish the time I get to spend with all my loved ones, even more so because I know how painful it is to be away from them during my favorite of all holidays. This year I've already felt the Christmas Spirit much more than I ever have. I've been feeling the Christmas Spirit for weeks already...and Christmas is still weeks away. Odd, yes; but I am loving the new insights I've gained into myself and those around me, that allow me to enjoy so much more in life. None of which would have been possible if not for Christ, and last Christmas.

Christmas...

Shoes

It was almost Christmastime, and there I stood in another line,
Trying to buy that last gift or two, not really in the Christmas mood.
Standing right in front of me was a little boy waiting anxiously;
pacing round like little boys do, and in his hands he held a pair of shoes.
And his clothes were worn and old, he was dirty from head to toe.
When it came his time to pay, I couldn't believe what I heard him say,
"Sir, I wanna buy these shoes for my mama please.
It's Christmas Eve, and these shoes are just her size.
Could you hurry, sir, Daddy says there's not much time.
You see, she's been sick for quite a while,
And I know these shoes will make her smile.
I want her to look beautiful, If Mama meets Jesus tonight."

He counted pennies for what seemed like years, the cashier said, "Son there's not enough here."
He searched his pockets frantically, then he turned and he looked at me,
He said, "Mama made Christmas good at our house, though most years she just did without.
Tell me sir, what am I gonna do? Somehow I've got to buy her these Christmas shoes."
So I laid the money down, I just had to help him out.
And I'll never forget the look on his face when he said, "Mama's gonna look so great."
"Sir, I wanna buy these shoes for my mama please.
It's Christmas Eve, and these shoes are just her size.
Could you hurry, sir, Daddy says there's not much time.
You see, she's been sick for quite a while,
And I know these shoes will make her smile.
I want her to look beautiful, If Mama meets Jesus tonight."

I knew I caught a glimpse of Heaven's love, as he thanked me and ran out.
I knew that God had sent that little boy to remind me what Christmas is all about.
"Sir, I wanna buy these shoes for my mama please.
It's Christmas Eve, and these shoes are just her size.
Could you hurry, sir, Daddy says there's not much time.
You see, she's been sick for quite a while,
And I know these shoes will make her smile.
I want her to look beautiful, If Mama meets Jesus tonight."

"I want her to look beautiful if Mama meets Jesus tonight."

That's Who...

...I am.

If I live to be a hundred and never see the seven wonders
That'll be alright
If I don't make it to the big leagues, if I never win a Grammy
I'm gonna be just fine
'Cause I know exactly who I am

I am Rosemary's granddaughter
The spitting image of my father
And when the day is done
My momma's still my biggest fan
Sometimes I'm clueless and I'm clumsy
But I've got friends who love me
And they know where I stand
It's all a part of me
That's who I am

So when I make big mistake, when I fall flat on my face
I know I'll be alright.
Should my tender heart be broken, I will cry those teardrops knowin'
I will be just fine
'Cause nothin' changes who I am

I am Rosemary's granddaughter
The spitting image of my father
And when the day is done
My momma's still my biggest fan
Sometimes I'm clueless and I'm clumsy
But I've got friends who love me
And they know where I stand
It's all a part of me
That's who I am

I'm a saint and I'm a sinner
I'm a loser, I'm a winner
I'm am steady and unstable
I am young but I'm able

I am Rosemary's granddaughter
The spitting image of my father
And when the day is done
My momma's still my biggest fan
Sometimes I'm clueless and I'm clumsy
But I've got friends who love me
And they know where I stand
It's all a part of me
That's who I am

I am Rosemary's granddaughter
The spitting image of my father
And when the day is done
My momma's still my biggest fan
Sometimes I'm clueless and I'm clumsy
But I've got friends who love me
And they know just where I stand
It's all a part of me
And that's who I am

Recently I was talking to my coworker about life, relationships and more specifically marriage. This coworker has been married and divorced, and it seems as if she feels the whole situation was a mistake from the beginning. Her comment to me was "Don't ever get married Nichole. Or, at least not until after you are 27. Because, until then you don't really know who you are." At first I agreed with her...for a minute or two. But for some reason, that I couldn't previously explain, the statement just bugged me. Tonight it hit me, why this statement bothered me so bad. Its not that I don't think my coworker has valid points behind her argument for marrying later in life than most girls do, I agree that some people do get married too young, and that makes marriage a bit more of a struggle. The reason this statement has bothered me, and stayed with me for almost a week, is the very last part of the statement..."you don't really know who you are."

That statement couldn't be farther from the truth. I know deep in my soul who I am. And that identity will never change. I know why I'm here. I know what the future can hold. I know who I want to be and where I want to go, not just right now, but in the grander picture of forever. That is why I added the song lyrics above. Because if you change the chorus ever so slightly it truly is perfectly fitting:

I am Elva Christine's grandaughter
The spitting image of my mother
and when the day is done
my dad is still my biggest fan.
Sometimes I'm clueless and I'm clumsy
But I've got friends that love me
And they know where I stand
Its all a part of me, that's who I am.

I know who I am, because I know what matters most in life, Faith, Family and Friends.

I know where my faith is, it is in God, our Heavenly Father, and in Jesus Christ. It is in their plan for our eternal happiness. I have faith in our Heavenly Father, that he loves us, and wants us to return to live with him in glory after we leave this mortal life. I have faith that He provided a way for that to be possible, through the atoning sacrifice of His Only Begotten Son, Jesus Christ. I have faith that Jesus Christ loves each of us so much that He lived a perfect life, then sacrificed Himself on the cross. I know that His sacrifice was and is infinite and eternal, that it was an intimate act in which he suffered for MY sins. I know that he would have suffered the atonement, the pains and anguish of Hell, even if I was the only person who would ever benefit from it. He suffered for each of us individually, and collectively. He knows our trials, he knows our pains, he knows our grief, thus He is the perfect confidant, because His compassion and empathy are endless. I know that the gospel of Jesus Christ is true and eternal, and that the keys to unlocking the numberless blessings of His gospel are held within the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I have faith in the Prophets, and in modern revelation. I know God loves us enough that he wouldn't leave us alone, with no guidance for our time. He speaks through living prophets today, and they teach His will, Love, service, charity. These things I know with every fiber of my being, down to the deepest depths of my soul. Because I know these things, I know that I am a divine daughter of God. I know that one day I can return to His kingdom of glory, and become a god like Him. Therefore, I know I am a goddess in training, and must act as such.

I know who my family and friends are. From each of them I glean pieces are parts of myself that have shaped my character, and developed my intellect. Each is unique, and my relationships with them are varied. But the one thing that remains constant, is the fact that they know what I stand for and, more importantly, what I will not fall for. They know where my rock is, my unshaken foundation. They know, because I know.

Sure, sometimes I mess up. I can be just as dumb, clumsy, inconsiderate, foolish, oblivious or spacey as the next person. I make mistakes, but that is the beauty of life, and the atonement. No matter how many times I get it wrong, I'll always have another chance to get it right. Heavenly Father will make sure of that. I can always strive to be a better person, and in the end, I just might become who I am capable of being; the goddess I'm training to become.

Now, don't take this the wrong way. I'm not saying all of this because I'm looking to get married tomorrow. But I'm just saying that I don't need to wait until I figure out who I am before I'll be ready to get married. I already know, because it is part of my soul. I've always known, and I'll always know. It is just a matter of remembering.

Let there be....

...love.

It's always around this time of year that I take more time to really evaluate my life. Fall in general does that, what with my birthday and the change in seasons and the new year quickly approaching.


I often think about the things in life that matter most to me. Some of those things change regularly. But there are some things, the fundamentals, that always have and always will be part of my life. Things that make me who I am and allow me to live, love, and interact. These fundamentals are the most important factors in my life, as I grow to love them more, somehow they find ways to return the favor.


Fundamental #1) Jesus Christ

He is my Savior. My foundation for living. There have been times in my life when I haven't fully appreciated the living gospel of Christ. But I would be nothing without it. I would be dead without Him, His grace sets me free. I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and I am happy to say that the church keeps a smile on my face. I know that the 'Mormon' church operates under the direction of Christ, and that is why I know it is the true and living church.

Fundamental #2) Family

My Dad - he inspires me. He encourages me to be the best person I'm capable of, then encourages me to be even better. He is the reason I worked so hard to get into a really good college and into a good program. He helped me realize the importance of making a good career for yourself. He tells me when he's disappointed, so that I know just how much he loves me when he says he's proud of me. When things are hard in life I can talk to him because he has felt it too, and he has really good advice usually.

My Mom - she is my rock. She really gets me, when I have a problem she is the one that helps me through it. I say she is one of my best friends, but that really doesn't explain the relationship we have. Our relationship is deeper than just friendship, because she gave birth to me, we have a connection that will never be broken. She is the one person I know I can always turn to when I need a shoulder to cry on because she and I don't fight. She's always there. I love her to death. I'm most definitely a mamma's girl, so it's pretty hard for me to live 2000 miles away from her.

My sisters - they are my educators. All my life I have looked up to my two sisters. They amazed me in so many ways. Over the years they hated me, who wouldn't detest a tag-a-long who's 6-9 years younger. The older we've gotten the more that has changed. Now not only do I idolize them, but I can go to them for advice. Between the two of them, they've been through it all, everything imaginable. So they pretty much have been the ones I've learned from. All their "mistakes" (which I wouldn't really call mistakes, more blessings in disguise) have taught me the lessons I wouldn't want to learn the hard way. I love my sisters. They keep me focused on where I really want to be in life, and who I want to be along the way.

My brothers - my protectors. Growing up my older brothers would always keep me safe when my sisters got too rough, they would intervene and let the wrath out on my sisters. When I got to the age where boys came into the picture, they made themselves clear. I love my brothers for keeping me sheltered and safe and not letting dumb boys do bad things. Even now they would gladly go to bat for me if I needed them to. For that I will always be grateful.

Annalisa - my best friend. Odd that after talking about all my biological family I would name Annalisa when I didn't say anyone elses names? Yes, I know it is. But even though Annalisa isn't part of my biological family I can't leave her out of this. She and I have quite literally grown up together. We've known eachother for over 15 years. She knows all my dirt, and I know all of hers. We share stories, food, clothes, and hopefully in a year and a half a roof. I admire so many qualities about her, her strength, determination (stubbornness), sense of humor, and so much more. We really are more like sisters.

Fundamental #3) Running

Running makes me happy. Plain and simple, odd too, but thats just how it is. It's actually partially scientific, but mostly it makes me happy becuase it makes me feel productive. It makes me feel like I'm going somewhere. It gives me the opportunity to clear a little space in the corner of my mind. I use my time running to clear out the garbage and dejunk my brain, and get rid of all my problems. I use it to focus myself and get my heart pumping to a new beat. When I'm running I don't have to be anyone or anything I don't want to be, because when I'm running, it is just me, the pavement, and the (almost) fresh air.

Fundamental #4) Music

Music is my lifeblood. Despite the fact that I'm not super musically talented, and have absolutely no professional training of any kind, I love to sing, and I like to plunk out simple songs on the piano. I would LOVE to learn how to properly play the guitar and the piano. But for now I love to sing. And more than that I love to listen to music. All kinds of music. If I'm not listening to music I have a hard time coping. It's kinda like August Rush, music is all around, you just have to listen for it.

Fundamental #5) Laughter

What more can I say. Laughter is therapeudic. It cleanses the soul, creates bonds between people, allows for harmony and unity. Laughter colors the world. Seriously, without laughter everything would lose its luster.

Life is about the fundamentals.

Crazy Little Thing...

...called moving.

So a lot has changed in the year since I first created this blog. I found a job shortly after the first post, got super busy at work, hated the hour long commute and moved. Friends came home from missions and other friends left for missions. I've had boyfriends and breakups, fallouts and makeups. I've changed my mind, changed my hair, changed my style, changed my additude. And all of that is part of moving on in life.

More about the above you ask? Well okay. I started working for a company called Comfort Systems USA at the end of last September. They are a heating and cooling contractor that hired me to oversee some of the accounting work in the office. Gradually I became responsible for some of the service department as well, and then took over a different portion of the accounting. I made really good friends with some of my coworkers, then screwed it all up at the company holiday party. One of the coworkers that I felt closest to really hated me for a while after the party. Gradually that has abated and now we are back on speaking terms, though we won't be close like we were before, which really makes me sad. Anyway, work went from being super busy to being really slow, and things just weren't cutting it with reduced hours, so life has been kind of stressful.

Back in December the commute to work got to be too much, with the weather making the 45-60 min commute lenghten to 2-3 hours I decided it was time for a change. I moved to West Jordan to be closer to work and though I hated leaving Provo behind I was really glad to be closer to work. I moved in with some family here, and told them and myself that it would be temporary. It hasn't really been as temporary as I'd have liked. With the move though, I've made a lot of good friends. I really enjoy the people I'm around now. I still really miss Provo, but West Jordan is growing on me (-:

My best friend is on a mission in Brazil. She's been gone for almost 6 months. I miss her so much!! But she is having such an amazing adventure. I won't lie, I'm counting down until she gets back in a little over a year. Also, one of my new West Jordan friends is in Canada right now. She's been there for about 4 months, and will be there for another 14. She's having an amazing time as well, but hates the weather (she's not a fan of the cold). When she gets back the three of us will all be going to Disneyland, for at least a few days, maybe a full week.

And that brings ya up to speed with the last year.

Now I sit here on the brink of yet another major change in life. I've quit my job with Comfort Systems in order to take a position with a small, but growing company called Matchbin. They want me to take over their day to day accounting, and the position will be a major career move. It will allow me to use the degree I worked so hard to get, and give me a little freedom to really grow more as an accountant. I'm really excited about it.

Leaving Comfort Systems today after my exit interview was a totally bittersweet moment. I'm stoked about the new adventure I'm about to begin at Matchbin, but it was so hard to say goodbye to the people I've spent everyday with for the last year+. I made friendships there, and I will miss the laughs and mildly angry outbursts. I had some great times there, and those memories can't be replaced.

For now though, this is my life. I plan to live every minute of it, kickin butt and takin names, as one of my former coworkers told me today.